Happy (?!) Birthday
Usually I celebrate every chance I get! As I reflect on my birthdays of the past, the reality seems to go more like THIS…..
I put on a smile and say I celebrate all month, but in truth around my birthday I get sad - sad over loss of loved ones that are no longer with me. I expect to get that card in the mail from people that have passed and cherish the cards I get from the ones that are still alive. I expect to hear the voice of someone who can no longer call me.
I also get disappointed. For some reason I think everyone is celebrating me all of the time. I know this is petty and vain, but it is also honest. Maybe because as children we are told this is your special day. We are here at this party to celebrate you! I also got disciplined a lot on my birthday as a child. I thought it was my day. I could do what I wanted. Apparently, that wasn’t the case then either (because sometimes I got in trouble on my birthday). As an adult, very few people even remember the actual date of my birthday. I just made it public on Facebook for everyone, so from now on you guys can get a reminder (you know, for next year). Of course, my mother remembers. After all, she was there! There is a saying that you should make time for your mom on your birthday because it is her special day, too. Now that I have children of my own I understand.
I do enjoy seeing how happy my children get on my birthday. They fight over who gets to pick out the cake or doughnuts (that I have to pay for). They write me letters and drawings. They all try to show me, in their own unique way, how they do love me.
I know that I am special and loved. Honestly, I would not change anything in my past because it would change who I am today. For me, so far, every decade has had its ups and downs. But it continues to get better and better. The point I am trying to make with this blog is to gain a self-awareness of what you feel. Life is not all unicorns and rainbows. Acknowledge that, learn from experiences, and grow. I guess if we keep celebrating getting older, we are truly optimists.